proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
sarcasm needs its own font
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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