I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We are all done wearing pants today
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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