Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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