the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
