My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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