No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
