I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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