Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
