clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
