1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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