I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
