grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
