I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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