I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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