She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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