Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
