Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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