i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
