Are we in a gay sports bar?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
