It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
