your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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