What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
