Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
