dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
