is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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