i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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