did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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