Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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