YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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