My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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