there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
