A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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