how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
