Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
