Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
whose parrot is this?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
