you guys were way drunker than both of me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
