so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
