do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
