the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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