Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
