So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
