he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
