My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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