Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Who died my cat blue again?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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