I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My ass is underappreciated
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
