dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
