I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
