i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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