I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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