i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
