Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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