Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
