Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
