you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
