The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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