my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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