All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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