My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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