i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
