The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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