I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
