For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
