I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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