dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
