i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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