u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
