when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They took my balls.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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