I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
