Will you blow on my dice?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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