I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
