just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
