Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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