ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
