Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
