I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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