Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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