That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
